Everyone always says the day your first child is born, it changes your life forever. In our case...those words could not be more true. I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which makes it harder for you to conceive. My husband and I decided that we were ready to start a family and were very surprised when it did not take that long to get pregnant.

I had a very easy pregnancy. I took after my mom, and did not have any morning sickness at all. I was 100% convinced that we were having a boy, but with an early ultrasound we found out that we were going to be having a girl! Lance and I were thrilled! Miss Pacey Florence Walker would be making her appearance around August 6, 2016.

My husband was working in Houston, TX and I was just going in for a routine ultrasound at 22 weeks, so I told him to not worry about taking off to come all the way to Louisiana just for an ultrasound. They always put your ultrasound on a DVD so we were planning to watch the DVD of the ultrasound together that weekend when he came home. This was the first appointment that I had gone to by myself.

I sat and waited anxiously for the Ultrasound Tech to call me back. I couldn’t wait to see my sweet baby and see how much she had grown. She finally called me back and started the scan. She started scanning and moving around quickly. Then began asking a lot of questions. She asked about my blood pressure, if I had any issues in the pregnancy, etc. I knew right then that something was wrong but she could not tell me. I immediately started praying that my baby was ok! A doctor has to confirm before anyone can say anything, so she called a doctor to come in and I heard the words that no mommy ever wants to hear.

“She does not have a heart beat.”

The doctor started explaining the process that we would be going through, but all I could think about was the last sentence she told me. I immediately started crying out to the Lord. I didn’t understand. Why would he give me this blessing and then take it away from me. I called my husband and he immediately left work and headed out on the 5 hour journey back to Louisiana. My mom was fighting breast cancer and had her first round of Chemo that day, so she couldn’t come. I called my sister. She was giving my niece a bath and had to cut bathtime short so she could come be with me.

I remember my sister, Amy, walking me from the doctor’s office to the room they had for me in the hospital. It was so hard to catch a breath. My whole world was spinning. Amy kept telling me to breathe slow and catch my breath because I didn’t need to pass out, but all I could think about is, “Why does it matter if I pass out or not? My baby is dead.”

The next 30 hours or so were a blur. It was filled with pain, heartache, and sadness. But it was also filled with family, friends, love, and encouragement. All of my family came and waited with me until Lance could get there. He had a 5 hour drive. Once he got to the hospital, they induced me. 26 hours from the time they induced, my water broke and within seconds Pacey had arrived. I prayed the whole time that she would come out alive and have a fighting chance. I thought that maybe they were wrong and just couldn’t find the heartbeat and that when she came out she would be fine. After all, the Lord does answer prayers. He can do ANYTHING.

This time though, he chose not to answer my prayer. Pacey Florence Walker was born sleeping April 8, 2016. She was 8.6 oz. She was perfect. Lance and I got to hold her and love on her. The hardest decision of my life was when I had to call the nurse to take Pacey from us. Most moms get to call the nurse knowing that they can have their baby back after they nap or shower. But I knew that when I called the nurse, I would never see my baby again.

We spent a day or so in the hospital for me to recover. Then we went home. Going home was awful. I had just gone through 26 hours of labor and I wasn’t going to get to bring my baby home. Ever…

In the following days we planned a funeral, were showered with love by our church and our community, and had to start learning how to live without our daughter.

I was a kindergarten teacher at the time, and I chose to go back fairly quickly after delivery. My students helped me heal. They were so loving. They helped keep me busy and keep my mind off of the loss. I remember explaining to them that we just had an extra special angel now!

Lance and I immediately decided that we were not going to stop trying for a family. We were ready for a family. We now had one, but our daughter just happened to live in Heaven instead of with us. We wanted a child here with us. The following months were filled with heartache and sadness after every negative pregnancy test, and wonder if I could have done something different. I had no doubt though, that the Lord would restore what we lost. He had promised me multiple times. He told me to not worry during my next pregnancy. But how could I not worry, we were still waiting for the test results from Pacey and we were hoping that the results would give us some answers. I still was questioning what I had done wrong for us to lose Pacey.

15 weeks later…...Pacey’s results finally came in. By this time, I thought I had “healed” and was “back to normal.” We went to visit Dr. Amber Shemwell and waited patiently in her office for the results. Dr. Shemwell comes in and starts explaining everything. With a second trimester miscarriage they do testing on the mom to see if it could be a factor with the mom. I tested positive for a condition called MTHFR. This basically means that my body does not break down folic acid the correct way and I am higher risk for stroke and heart disease. She started me on a heart health vitamin and a baby aspirin every day.

Then, she explains that Pacey is “one in a million.” Pacey had a rare genetic disorder. Everyone has a pair of each chromosome. Well, instead of having a pair, Pacey had two pairs of chromosome 21 and two pairs of chromosome 13. Dr. Shemwell said she had never seen this in all the time that she had practiced medicine because babies that have this do not make it to the second trimester. Pacey was a little miracle!

If Pacey would not have made it to the second trimester, they would have never done testing on me to find out that I had MTHFR. I fully believe that The Lord took Pacey from me, to save my life.

Skip forward another month or so…

Pacey’s due date is on the horizon...I know that this is going to be a difficult day. I worried how I would handle getting to her due date without having her with me. That weekend, Lance and I had planned to stay busy to keep my mind off of everything. Well, I woke up the weekend of Pacey’s due date and took a pregnancy test. IT WAS POSITIVE! It was a sign from the Lord that He is true to his promises. That He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Had I not gotten pregnant before Pacey’s due date, I would have had to face Pacey’s due date without the new joy that comes with finding out that you are pregnant.

I still worry. Even though I should not. I know the Lord has this pregnancy in His hands. Whatever the outcome of this pregnancy, I know that the Lord is true to his promises. He will fulfill us, and he will restore us. Our first specialist appointment was today and we could not have had a better report! The doctor and genetic counselor talked about how much of a miracle our little Pacey was. With all of the chromosome issues she had, she should have had club feet, deformed hands, and a deformed face but our little angel was perfect! The doctors were blown away with how perfect she was.

When you go through a loss, you find out who is really there for you. I could not have gone through this journey without my family and friends. And most definitely not without Lance! Lance has been a rock through all of this. There were moments when I didn’t think I could keep going, but he loved me and encouraged me. Without him, I do not know what I would do.

Hey Guys!

I am super excited to announce that I have a new feature on my website! I now have a Schedule page. On this page, you can get a glimpse into my schedule. I know it is always a struggle trying to get everyone together for portraits. This way, you can discuss with your family a day that is good for you, and you can guarantee that the date will be available if you check with the schedule!

If you have any questions about the schedule, feel free to call me! I am now living in The Woodlands, TX during the week, so The only day that I am available to shoot in Louisiana is Saturday.

I will be doing a mini session day in Louisiana to try to get in as many people as possible. If this is something that you are interested in, please contact me ASAP! I will be doing the mini session day early in October.

Thanks for your continued support! Keep following my blog for more updates and pictures!